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How to relax & let go of constrictions & restrictions that keep us from having the love we want 
By Susie and Otto Collins

How often do you do something similar to this in your relationships?
How often do you create constriction and restriction in your life and relationships by your negative thoughts, assumptions, "stories" you tell yourself about someone else's motivations, criticism, judgments and any number of other ways?
What if we rephrase the question to ask...
How often do you create constriction within yourself that keeps the love, passion and connection that we say we want at a distance?
The reality is that we create constriction and restriction with ourselves and others much more than we realize.
Imagine what our lives and relationships would be like if we gave ourselves permission to relax judgments of ourselves and others, as well as other things that keep us separated from others.
If there's one idea that we've learned and re-learned is that we and we alone are responsible for our own happiness, pain, challenges and creating restriction in our relationships.
If this is true (and we're sure that it is), we can always make a different choice in every single moment .
That different choice can mean relaxing our strangle- hold on ourselves, a situation or another person by using some or all of these ideas:

1. Look at "what is" instead of wishing something, someone or some situation is different. So often people try to "force" another person to think like they think or act in a certain way. This usually causes a great deal of restriction in the relationship and one or both people can shut themselves off emotionally because of it.

Looking at "what is" can help us to see the situation or relationship as it really is and soften or relax expectations.

2. Open to your emotional truth--your own as well as to another person's truth. There might be some feelings that you've been pushing down and not willing to face. Although this can seem like an oxymoron at the time, taking a look at what is real for you and allowing the other person to tell what is real for him or her can certainly lead to a softening and more relaxation between the two of you.
3. Choose to focus on what you want rather than what is missing. This may sound contradictory to #1 but it really isn't. If you are feeling restriction in a relationship and you just can't seem to connect with that person, begin to notice connections with other people in your life.

These connections can be a smile, making eye contact, or even a kind word with someone you meet. Notice what feels good about these connections with others and then start making more connections so that you begin to focus on what you want more of rather than what you don't want.
So this week, we invite you to look at how and with whom you feel constriction in your life. We all do from time to time because unfortunately (or fortunately) that constriction often spurs us to grow into being better people, healing our pasts, and creating more love in our lives.
We invite you to choose not stay stuck in restriction but learn and grow from it.
When you relax into love your relationships and life will be much more connected than when you don't. 
 
Relationship Coaches & Best-Selling Authors Susie & Otto Collins http://www.SusieandOtto.com http://www.RelationshipGold.com

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